Sunday, August 3, 2014

so, a rant...guess this is a safe place

here is a facebook post by a young lady I know through church...

Dear neighbors,
I know it's after 2 a.m. and we are playing our music pretty loud. But we are celebrating my bro in laws 30th and in four hours my nephew who is in the army and has been in Afghanistan for ten months will return back to Afghanistan for a long time. Am I sorry? Not one bit. Thanks for understanding.

my response:..."wow, I could not disagree with this perspective more"

I hate and do not get involved in Facebook 'squabbles'...but this just burns my biscuits.

It is good that this family has something wonderful to celebrate.  BUT thinking this gives her the RIGHT to tell her neighbors "Am I sorry? Not one bit. Thanks for understanding" is just too immature and self centered for me.   What if the neighbor has a newborn?  What if the neighbor works a swing shift and that is his only time to sleep, What if the neighbor is a police officer who just came home from a 16 hour shift and has to wake up again in 4 hours to start a new one (and that has happened to my son). What if the neighbor has a mom with Altzheimers who loses it if she does not get to sleep by 7pm (and that has happened to me)

How dare this young woman think her celebration trumps the needs of her neighbors.   

Thankfully I do not live near her, cuz 'friend' or not, I would have called the police!

okay vent over.

Sunday is gonna prove to be a busy day...that is why I am up before 6.

Gotta set up the crockpot for dinner. then,

Church, I'm not teaching as a group of young men and women from Ambassador Soccer Camps will be doing our church services...and I did not want the 5th and 6th graders missing out.  

Switching cars with my son, as he is driving to Yosemite with a couple of the Soccer coaches.  He has been hosting Victor a young man from Brazil and Matt a young man from England.  My son drives a Hyundai commute car...I (recently) have something a li'l more comfortable for such a long trip.

Fremont, gonna drive to Fremont to deliver a kitty to an old friend of mine, Lori.  She is adopting one that, well, actually the above woman's husband posted on facebook....and Fremont is a little over an hour away...But it gives me an excuse to visit...it has been a good 20 years since I have seen Lori.  And, dgd, Adriana just may be going with me.

That means probably won't be home till early evening.


Still need to pack projects for Expo.  I leave on Thursday.  sooooooo excited.  I am actually working a booth!  I'm to work the Kiwi Lane booth on Friday...

Okay, get crockpot done, charge camera for the Yosemite group, worksheet for Sunday school, get off computer....and maybe squeeze in a bit of exercise before church.  





Saturday, August 2, 2014

update on a 'few thoughts'

That was a 'heavy' post for me, not comfortable putting so much 'out there'.  But this has been an amazing week and I really want to share it, though I may not have the right  'words'.

For some reason, I am not accessing comments on the blog...finally found one that someone told me 'disappeared'.  I'm not ignoring any comments...just haven't figured that out.

But thanks to those who have commented...here and on my facebook.  Your words and encouragement have meant sooooo much to me.

So after the rather heavy thoughts and reflections in the blog, and the comments by my sisters in Christ...I went to church with the kids on Saturday night.  The pastor did a sermon on Mary, mother of Jesus and concentrated on the announcement and her response.  So, at the end of the sermon he asked us to pray as she did "I am your servant, Lord.  May everything You say about me come true! Amen!"...and I could not do it.  I could not say those words out loud.  I was "I am your...mmmuumobmmmnnn?"

I came home and really thought about it, Why was I so uncomfortable about saying it.  I LOVE God, He is my Savior, I do think of Him as Lord...but why was submitting with words so uncomfortable?
Really examined my heart...and then started saying the prayer.  Wake up in the morning and saying it...to mean it...and the first day was 'awkward'...but  there was a change.

My 'head' was quiet.  Gone were the obsessive conversations in there, esp about food.  I ate because I was hungry.  I mean I'd be going along with my day, then my tummy would growl, and I would think "oh, I'm hungry, time to eat"...Now for some of you, you'll be thinking, "so?  That is how it works", but not for me, not for a lot of years.

This week... Monday, there was a cake for sharing in the office...I walked by it without being even tempted for a slice...I had breakfast and just was not hungry for cake.  (the old me would have at least saved a slice for later)

Chris asked if I wanted to go to Togos for lunch one of the days I was off.  I said no, it just sounded like it was way too much.

Yesterday, we went to Rockhouse Grill in Livermore for lunch.  I let Cierra pick our burger and we shared it...it was sooooo yummy.  When I finished I wished I had a full one...and then it happened...I started to feel full.  and was thankful I only had half.  Now, again some of you are thinking 'that is normal'  all I can say it hasn't been for me...noticing my body's cues about being full and satisfied has not happened for years.

I only exercised twice this week, been a busy after work schedule...but weighed this morning to 3lbs gone!

Are all temptations gone?  No, I was watching an episode of The Shift and when the guy was eating a donut...the old thoughts came back.  That donut looked soooooo goooood.  But I recognized what the thoughts were and was never tempted to go buy one.   AND Cierra reminded me of what Michael and I do with thoughts like that...we have a tradition of acting out physically taking 'arrows' out of our head and breaking them and giving them back to Satan.  (yeah, we look pretty silly, but it is effective for us)

Was every choice perfect?  Nooooooo, we had Chinese food Thursday night.  And I ate too many cream cheese wontons...but did not keep eating and stopped myself at 'full'.

I feel free, I don't know how else to put it...It isn't just pounds...but a tremendous weight is off me.  I do feel like a new person.  I've been a Christian for almost 30 years...and I am just now discovering this?  Did I need to come to this point in my walk to finally 'get it'...or am I just slow to understand?

Anyways, exciting week for me.   The 'prayer' works in other areas also.  But I won't go into that here.

Sunday, July 27, 2014

finally posting some disney layouts

Finally took a few pics of disney layouts... this is a trip for dgd's 5th birthday that the kids took.  I finished the book and asked Adriana, 'do you want the book at your house? or my house?"  She told me, "I know you miss me a lot, so you can have the book at your house"  We did buy a 'disney' 8x8 album and we will create layouts (together) for HER book.  

this layout uses one of the backgrounds from the CTMH artbooking cartridge.  I can see this cartridge becoming a 'staple' in my scrapbooking.

psssst, finally used one of the fox wood veneers from freckled fawn...kids recently went to Yosemite, so maybe I will use the rest.   Oh!  Jason is planning a Yosemite trip that I can go to.  Adriana asked me "How are you going to go on the long hike?"   I told her, "We will need your wagon and you can push me"... ..."Grammy!  you are too old for my wagon!"...well, I guess Grammy had better work out and build some endurance...and get some good shoes for hiking.  
 Do you remember the Stampin Up shimmery inks...this is in platinum...a li'l hard to catch in a photograph...

 Don't you love this pp...I can't remember the maker...BUT the kids (C and Chris) are going to a country wedding next month...the bride posted a pic on facebook of herself cutting down a log with a chainsaw for her decor...I am looking forward to using more of these for those pages.  
My 'normal' formula is printed paper, cardstock matting and a small amount of embellies, so I challenged myself to do a layout without printed paper.  This is a very basic layout, but love how the colors work...just cardstock with touches of pink.

And I recently got to do a li'l shopping at Scrapbook Paradise in Reno...just love these colors...but had to restrain myself, I have sooooo much .  I am drawn to 'summer' type paper collections.  Don't you love that top paper, it is Bo Bunny...

During that Reno trip I also worked on 3 more of the Prima paperdolls...including the mermaid.  I seem to be in a mermaid phase these days also.   Mermaids and Fairies...whenever I find stamps with them...I pick it up.
I will get some pics.

Saturday, July 26, 2014

a few thoughts...

As ya'll know, I've been trying to lose weight.  At my highest I was 215lbs.  Then in November 2009, started a serious lifestyle change with the help of Sparkpeople and with it lost a little over 40lbs.  Then went on a plateau....while facing a hysterectomy...and had the fears of regaining the weight and then some after surgery, I went on Jenny Craig.   Was that 2011?    With Jenny lost @12 more lbs...putting me at a 50lb weight loss.

Then regained that 10...then another 10....and I've been on Jenny...but not strict.   And I find myself back in the 190's.   Yesterday, 195....soooooo, what do I need to do?   How do I get it back in my head to DO the changes I know I need and not just KNOW the changes.


I would say in 2014, I've really been looking/noting what is going on in my 'head' that leads to the eating/sedentary lifestyle.  Why?  What am I telling myself?   So, I've been more diligent about that self talk.
At least trying to notice it, so I can stop myself.

And there is a LOT of self talking in there.  Just recently, Svensons danishes were on sale at Savemart...ooooooh, I really wanted them.  Not just one, but one of every flavor...so the mind is telling me "So if you get those where can you hide them?"... then I caught myself and told myself, "If you have to hide them, they are not worth getting'...and I walked on by.  Thursday at work I was tempted to have a pepsi, I'm standing in front of the vending machine with quarters ready....then I thought of the caffeine detox I just did...did I really want to throw that away?  And , I got water instead.

I have been reading "Reshape Your Life" by Candace Cameron Bure.  And as a Christian, I have struggled with seeing my overeating as sin.   In the back of my mind, I can think of the many reasons why it could be considered sin.  and I've had discussions with Cierra and Nicole about it.

- destroying the Holy Spirit's temple
- sin of glutteny and sloth  (yes, I can be real lazy, esp in front of the tv)

How I can hurt others
- dying early or getting a disease that my kids are going to have the responsibility of caring for me as I age
-setting a bad example, esp have my grandkids be as obsessed about foods and sweets

I don't really eat for emotion...I feel something and grab the __________ to make it better.  So I don't think it is emotional or stress eating.  In the past it was 'geographic'...you know, I am shopping at Tracy Walmart so I stop at the Weinerschnitzel and get a corn dog and soft serve.  THAT was a habit I could get a hold of and break.  (happy to say that now days, I do not even like the taste of fastfood and it is no longer even a temptation)

But I do have a lack of self control, I find that if I get the thought that I want something, I usually get it.


In the book, the author says something to the effect that if you consider this a moral issue not a spiritual issue, you will  continue to try to control it with your actions.  If you see it as a spiritual issue, you will bring it before God and repent...not an exact quote but something along those lines.

So, the question has always been, Why do you want to lose the weight.  answer, to be healthier and to be able to wear cute clothes.   But is that really enough?

Is there something essential I am missing because I have not invited God to point out my sin?  To bring me to the place of repentance?

I remember when I struggled with people I had issues with, some of ya'll might know of the famous neighbor feud on Pitscottie , God directed me to take those angry thoughts and use them as a reminder to pray for that person.  And it helped.

Where do I go from here?








Friday, June 27, 2014

Caffeine detox and 2 Peas withdrawal.

Interesting week.   After a day of overdoing the caffeine, and thinking I was going to have a heart attack.  I decided to go on a 'detox'.  Yesterday was the day with NO caffeine - whoa... the headaches.  I could not decide if blood was going to spurt out of my head or if my skull was simply going to fall off my shoulders.  Then by evening, after a tiff with dh, I started to get TMJ, you know that head/body ache from clenching your jaw so you won't say what you are really thinking?  The nausea wasn't too bad, I felt it more this morning.

So day 2, for a week I am allowed to have half my regular amounts of caffeine, then that gets cut in half next week and by week 3, I should be off.

So, this morn I made myself a very weak cup of tea...with lots of milk...and did not even finish it.  Gotta say, even before the tea, I did feel better.  Headache this morn was limited to my right temple w/ a li'l of the tmj feeling.

AND 2 peas is closing, the boards were just shut down.  2 peas was my 'guilty pleasure'.  I was not real active, and yes, there were some 'mean girls' over there (I had put most of the name callers on ignore)...but I will miss the boards and gallery.

Their scrapbooking gallery was awesome...wonder if I can 'pin' some of my old favorites.  And the scrapbooking discussions really kept me 'on top' of what was new in the hobby.  I got my cutterpillar pro after it was discussed on the boards (and I still LOVE it)

But even the political threads could be 'enlightening'...those that could articulate without the name calling really helped me to see the perspective of the 'other side'.   And I think discussions like that help to de-polarize...helped us to see the humanity of those wrong headed others...I am going to miss that.  Even the religion threads were that way.  I just loved MoveableFeast and her ability to articulate the Christian Faith.

And despite the aisle you were politically, I could see genuine compassion for those who were hurting.

 And the discussions about fun stuff...tv shows, the weekly book thread (got lots of reading ideas from that), threads with puppies/kitties....  Yeah, I'm gonna miss that board.

But when shipping got astronomical, I was one who stopped shopping.  And you could see the lack of product, so kinda knew this was coming.

Hopefully with a decrease in headaches, I can get in my scraproom today.   Just a couple more layouts and finishing the cover I will be done with the Disney book....






Thursday, May 29, 2014

cards! and plans for my next visit to TX


I got to make some cards during the retreat,
and guess what, I actually used them!    The top left was a card I made my sis, the top right part of a 'swap', bottom left b-day card for ddil...and bottom right anniversary card for dd and dsil.  The prima doll card was sent to a gal who needs a li'l encouragement.  

Can I just say, I love these Prima dolls...I have quite a few, and yesterday I bought 3 more.  They are the only reason I started buying 6x6 pads...so the patterns would be good for their clothes.  


I started a new book "Change Your Brain, Change Your Body" by Dr. Daniel Amen...don't see anything new about living a healthy lifestyle.  But gotta say it adds new motivation for just doing it.  Well, what is 'new' is his recommendations for supplements that target where your wrong thinking just may be.  I am one who does question the Dr's science...seems a little subjective...and the book does have a li'l bit of a selling focus.  BUT it is motivating me to keep/make/maintain the lifestyle changes that I KNOW work.  And to stop the slide back to the bad habits/foods/emotions that bring me down.

I took the day off from work.  Toward the end of the month, just not much for me to do...it picks up at the first of the month.  BUT I am going to Tx to 'mom' sit, so that will throw the 'close' off.  (I do accounting) 

ANYways, inspired by this book, I've decided to take the days in Texas to concentrate on vegetarian meals.  Looks like that would be good for mom and her Altzheimer's also.   When I went in March, I made her smoothies every morning.  She hated them.  She told me, 'what is this ookey stuff!"...so, we will see how she responds to vegetarian meals.     When I first started my lifestyle change in 2009, I went without meat for 2 weeks, and I do remember I felt great!  If it were up to me and dd, we probably would be primarily vegetarian or pescatarian...but, we married carnivores who are against it.

so, what shall I do with my day off?  Can play in my scraproom...do need to plan for Sunday School...orrrr, make a Hobby Lobby and Burlington run.  DH does want me to buy some new clothes...hmmmmmmmm

Will take pics of a some of the Disney layouts I did at the retreat.   Disney is such a fun book to do!

Ooooh, cuz this house is in 'kitten' mode, here is a pic I took last night.  sooo much fun, sooo hard to get a pic...soooo adorable!

Monday, May 26, 2014

a new priority...

For the past month, yes it was 4 weeks to this day, my life has been pretty much centered around...




Kittens!

While horseback riding, DH found these kittens which had been dumped right off our road.
We live off a one way road, so the side is often used so oncoming cars can pass thru...so, we consider it real lucky that these kittens were not smushed.  Also, we have packs of dogs, hawks, coyotes...they would not have made it.  Dh admits, he debated letting me know...but he did and I went back with a box and picked them up.  He knew, that I would LOVE nuturing them...but also knows that letting go will be real hard for me.   There were 6, but my neighbor took 2...so that leaves me 4.  They were @ 2 to 3 weeks old when dh found them..so it did start out with bottle feedings.   And the first weekend was hard!  This is my first time bottle feeding kittens!   BUT we got through it, and we had flea baths that took over 4 hours on the 2nd day...thank God for dd...crazy. 

Up till last week I've had a kitten sitter while at work.  She has been invaluable...as she has done this before and can give me tips on the process.  They are now eating dry food, drinking some water...use their boxes and I am down to 2 feedings (no bottles) per day.  ALMOST at a 12 hour schedule, so they can stay home while I go to work...siiiiiiiiigh. 

4 weeks later and they are the most adorable kitties ever.  No, I'm not biased.   They are so playful, have their own fun personalities...and yes, I love them all.  I do have them signed up with a rescue, and in a couple more weeks they will be fixed and ready for adoption.   

I posted 4 pics cuz I wanted ya'll to see how HARD it is to get a group shot of these babies...omg...all those cartoons about people trying to herd kittens...yup.  

They have like 3 to 4 names each, yup, We started out with 6 kittens...so we gave them Stark kids names from Game of Thrones.   Then down to 4...then found out we had a couple of genders wrong...so, we chose a couple more Game of Thrones names.  BUT d-son in law, thinks the GOT names are stupid, so he gave them "Oklahoma" style cat names, names I call their 'Country Bumpkin' names...then dd decided we should do Hunger Game names...and I've given them names that I think fit their personalities...oh, and dgd has also chimed in...siiiigh....

This is our only girl...her original GOT name was Bran..but oops, she's a girl, so we changed it to Ygritte (after the wildling girl, cuz let's face it, this little girl is not one for tea and crumpets).  She is a very active little girl, but always the first to approach me when I enter the room for loves.  Her Country Bumpkin (CB) name is Scampy, Her Hunger Games (HG) name is Katniss...My name for her is Callie and dgd has chosen Lacey.
(of course I call her Callie)


This is our sealpoint boy, he is a little love...His original GOT name was Sansa, cuz he was so gentle during the bottle feedings.  but oops, he's a boy, so it got changed to Rheagar (the silver Targaryan with violet eyes)...CB name is Waffles, HG is Peeta, but I am calling him Oliver...and dgd calls him Tom-Tom

This is our big boy...He was the least affectionate, but I have made a point of giving him loves and now he does approach me and gives me 'motor' purrs.  He is a very active boy (even the kitten sitter called him 'the wild one')...GOT name is King Robb...when we first got them, he would pace the container we had them in...and 'make speeches'...very vocal.   CB name is Boo-Kitty, HG is Finnick...My name is Arnold (yes after Schwarzennegar...cuz when one of his brothers was misbehaving ...being possessive over a toy...Arnold leapt in and took care of business)  

This is my little cuddle bug, from the beginning when bottle feeding he would make eye contact and melt in my arms.  His GOT name is Rickon, CB is Bandana, HG is Haymitch...but mine is Arthur.  Because, I have a Winston and a Percy and IF I got to keep him, I think Arthur would fit right in.

BUT as of now, there is NO sign that DH is going to let me keep any of them.  To be honest, I love them all, and if he said okay to me keeping one, I would keep the one that does not get adopted.  

So, this has been my days for the past month.  I LOVE every moment of it, but it is driving dh a li'l crazy, he cannot wait till it is done and they have homes.  

I also got to go to a Crop Retreat on Mother's Day weekend. You should have seen the mad scramble to get kitten care...but with the help of a scrapbooking friend and her church, it happened.  But the retreat is for another post, another day.