That was a 'heavy' post for me, not comfortable putting so much 'out there'. But this has been an amazing week and I really want to share it, though I may not have the right 'words'.
For some reason, I am not accessing comments on the blog...finally found one that someone told me 'disappeared'. I'm not ignoring any comments...just haven't figured that out.
But thanks to those who have commented...here and on my facebook. Your words and encouragement have meant sooooo much to me.
So after the rather heavy thoughts and reflections in the blog, and the comments by my sisters in Christ...I went to church with the kids on Saturday night. The pastor did a sermon on Mary, mother of Jesus and concentrated on the announcement and her response. So, at the end of the sermon he asked us to pray as she did "I am your servant, Lord. May everything You say about me come true! Amen!"...and I could not do it. I could not say those words out loud. I was "I am your...mmmuumobmmmnnn?"
I came home and really thought about it, Why was I so uncomfortable about saying it. I LOVE God, He is my Savior, I do think of Him as Lord...but why was submitting with words so uncomfortable?
Really examined my heart...and then started saying the prayer. Wake up in the morning and saying it...to mean it...and the first day was 'awkward'...but there was a change.
My 'head' was quiet. Gone were the obsessive conversations in there, esp about food. I ate because I was hungry. I mean I'd be going along with my day, then my tummy would growl, and I would think "oh, I'm hungry, time to eat"...Now for some of you, you'll be thinking, "so? That is how it works", but not for me, not for a lot of years.
This week... Monday, there was a cake for sharing in the office...I walked by it without being even tempted for a slice...I had breakfast and just was not hungry for cake. (the old me would have at least saved a slice for later)
Chris asked if I wanted to go to Togos for lunch one of the days I was off. I said no, it just sounded like it was way too much.
Yesterday, we went to Rockhouse Grill in Livermore for lunch. I let Cierra pick our burger and we shared it...it was sooooo yummy. When I finished I wished I had a full one...and then it happened...I started to feel full. and was thankful I only had half. Now, again some of you are thinking 'that is normal' all I can say it hasn't been for me...noticing my body's cues about being full and satisfied has not happened for years.
I only exercised twice this week, been a busy after work schedule...but weighed this morning to 3lbs gone!
Are all temptations gone? No, I was watching an episode of The Shift and when the guy was eating a donut...the old thoughts came back. That donut looked soooooo goooood. But I recognized what the thoughts were and was never tempted to go buy one. AND Cierra reminded me of what Michael and I do with thoughts like that...we have a tradition of acting out physically taking 'arrows' out of our head and breaking them and giving them back to Satan. (yeah, we look pretty silly, but it is effective for us)
Was every choice perfect? Nooooooo, we had Chinese food Thursday night. And I ate too many cream cheese wontons...but did not keep eating and stopped myself at 'full'.
I feel free, I don't know how else to put it...It isn't just pounds...but a tremendous weight is off me. I do feel like a new person. I've been a Christian for almost 30 years...and I am just now discovering this? Did I need to come to this point in my walk to finally 'get it'...or am I just slow to understand?
Anyways, exciting week for me. The 'prayer' works in other areas also. But I won't go into that here.