Saturday, July 26, 2014

a few thoughts...

As ya'll know, I've been trying to lose weight.  At my highest I was 215lbs.  Then in November 2009, started a serious lifestyle change with the help of Sparkpeople and with it lost a little over 40lbs.  Then went on a plateau....while facing a hysterectomy...and had the fears of regaining the weight and then some after surgery, I went on Jenny Craig.   Was that 2011?    With Jenny lost @12 more lbs...putting me at a 50lb weight loss.

Then regained that 10...then another 10....and I've been on Jenny...but not strict.   And I find myself back in the 190's.   Yesterday, 195....soooooo, what do I need to do?   How do I get it back in my head to DO the changes I know I need and not just KNOW the changes.

I would say in 2014, I've really been looking/noting what is going on in my 'head' that leads to the eating/sedentary lifestyle.  Why?  What am I telling myself?   So, I've been more diligent about that self talk.
At least trying to notice it, so I can stop myself.

And there is a LOT of self talking in there.  Just recently, Svensons danishes were on sale at Savemart...ooooooh, I really wanted them.  Not just one, but one of every the mind is telling me "So if you get those where can you hide them?"... then I caught myself and told myself, "If you have to hide them, they are not worth getting'...and I walked on by.  Thursday at work I was tempted to have a pepsi, I'm standing in front of the vending machine with quarters ready....then I thought of the caffeine detox I just did...did I really want to throw that away?  And , I got water instead.

I have been reading "Reshape Your Life" by Candace Cameron Bure.  And as a Christian, I have struggled with seeing my overeating as sin.   In the back of my mind, I can think of the many reasons why it could be considered sin.  and I've had discussions with Cierra and Nicole about it.

- destroying the Holy Spirit's temple
- sin of glutteny and sloth  (yes, I can be real lazy, esp in front of the tv)

How I can hurt others
- dying early or getting a disease that my kids are going to have the responsibility of caring for me as I age
-setting a bad example, esp have my grandkids be as obsessed about foods and sweets

I don't really eat for emotion...I feel something and grab the __________ to make it better.  So I don't think it is emotional or stress eating.  In the past it was 'geographic' know, I am shopping at Tracy Walmart so I stop at the Weinerschnitzel and get a corn dog and soft serve.  THAT was a habit I could get a hold of and break.  (happy to say that now days, I do not even like the taste of fastfood and it is no longer even a temptation)

But I do have a lack of self control, I find that if I get the thought that I want something, I usually get it.

In the book, the author says something to the effect that if you consider this a moral issue not a spiritual issue, you will  continue to try to control it with your actions.  If you see it as a spiritual issue, you will bring it before God and repent...not an exact quote but something along those lines.

So, the question has always been, Why do you want to lose the weight.  answer, to be healthier and to be able to wear cute clothes.   But is that really enough?

Is there something essential I am missing because I have not invited God to point out my sin?  To bring me to the place of repentance?

I remember when I struggled with people I had issues with, some of ya'll might know of the famous neighbor feud on Pitscottie , God directed me to take those angry thoughts and use them as a reminder to pray for that person.  And it helped.

Where do I go from here?

1 comment:

grandmaamy said...

Great post Karen. As a sister sufferer of the continued battle with weight, you words hit home. It's not easy looking at my over eating as gluttony or my laziness as sloth, but that's what they are. Naming sin by its accurate name helps bring it into proper perspective and submission. When I soft sell it as over eating and not being motivated, tired, etc. then I am not being honest with myself, and I am being rebellious at the same time. I do know I need to take a proper perspective of my self image (not allowing the world's ideal to be the motivator), but I must also take proper care of myself. The only way I know how is to daily seek direction from the Lord and to listen and obey. I will be praying for you in your journey. Will you please pray for me?